listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
