my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
