Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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