Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
