Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
