you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
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just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
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I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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