Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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