i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
