I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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