32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
