I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
