Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
