im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize