im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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