drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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