I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
