We're like a lot better than the average bears
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
