My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
