My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
