Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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