she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
