When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
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She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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