Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
