I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
