Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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