I am spending my child support on dildos
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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