I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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