There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
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We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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