The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
