i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
