his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize