You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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