im about as happy as oj after his trial
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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