Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize