She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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