Joe is yelling at the trees again.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
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it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
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We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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