Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
