if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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