when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
