we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
