I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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