he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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