I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
too bad you live with your parents still
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Randomize
