he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
