She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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