The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
