I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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