why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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