Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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