We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
youre lurking in front of me
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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