using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
