Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
accomplished twins. life is a go
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
