I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
