He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
