Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
