i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
