Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
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It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
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I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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