You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
