they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
