I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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