I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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