I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
