she was so not down for the gang bang
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
