i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
